I fought the law and… well you can guess how that worked out
There are some things in life I’ve just never been good at keeping up with. One of them is keeping my car legal. Specifically, keeping the registration up to date. I keep it insured and I keep it full of gas, but I have a lot of trouble getting down to the tax office to get a new sticker every year. It doesn’t help that Texas has some pretty mellow laws about keeping your car tags updated. Basically, If your tags are out of date, you will get stopped at some point and the Officer will tell you “Hey. Get your tags updated.” sometimes they will give you a ticket that says “Hey. Get your tags updated.” Then you go get your tags updated and the ticket gets dismissed. I get one of these tickets every year or so like clockwork. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’m not that ashamed either. It’s just the way things work for me, most of the time.
In the spring of 2003, two things happened at right about the same time which affected me very deeply. We invaded Iraq, and my son was diagnosed with Autism. I don’t want to start yammering about the war, and I don’t want to write some uplifting diary about my son. I just mention these two things to point out that my head was in a very bad place for a few weeks. You see, along about this same time, I got an expired tags ticket from the city of Lewisville, Tx.
Lewisville!! Big city traffic…small town inconvenience!!
I threw the ticket into the glove compartment and promptly forgot about it. I had other things on my mind at the time. The ticket stayed in my glove compartment for a couple months until I got a letter from the city of Lewisville informing me that an arrest warrant had been issued for my failure to get my tags updated.
Lewisville!! #1 Destination for confused German tourists expecting Horse Racing since 1979!!
The City of Lewisville had now gotten my attention. I didn’t want to get arrested. I promptly drove over to the tax office and got my new tags. I proceeded across town to the Lewisville courthouse to pay my fine and get right with their fine municipality.
Lewisville!! Our lakes are now 30% Mosquito Free!!
I show up at the courthouse and make my way through a long line of scofflaws until I get to an open window. I give the lady my notice and show her my tags are up to date and tell her I am ready to make restitution to the people of Lewisville.
Lewisville!! Ask about our award winning…uh…Gimme a second here.
Here’s a tip for you. If you ever find yourself about to go to jail if you don’t pay a fine, bring cash. Jailers do not take Visa. If someone had given me this important nugget of info, the story would end here. It doesn’t. The lady told me they didn’t take Visa and I had to pay cash. No problem, I said. Let me just run over to the nearest ATM. I’ll be right back with your fine money. No. The lady said. That wouldn’t do. What I could do instead was wait against the wall for a Lewisville Police Officer, who would be taking me to jail.
Lewisville!! Public transportation since 2006!! Seriously!!
I stood against the wall for a few minutes waiting for the cops. Did I mention I was on my lunch hour? I looked forward to explaining that one to my boss. “Not going to be in for the rest of the day. I’m being processed.” You know those shows about gang members where they defiantly shout “I can jail if I have to!!’ into the camera as they are being carted off in handcuffs? Well, I can’t jail. Not at all. Seriously. If I’m your accomplice in a criminal enterprise and the two of us get picked up and sent to separate interview rooms, I will be selling your ass out as quickly as I can. Let me apologize in advance. I can’t jail.
What follows is the closest I will ever get to Bonnie and Clyde. I noticed that the lady who sent me to stand against the wall was very busy with the long line of idiots like myself. She wasn’t paying me any attention. I had one chance at freedom and I took it. I ran(Actually walked slowly) down the hall and out of the building. I jumped in my car and raced down the street looking for the first bank I could find…in Lewisville.
Lewisville!! The jokes write themselves!!
It was like the end of Heat, if the end of Heat involved Robert DeNiro needing to get some money out of an ATM. I’m looking all over the place for patrol cars and trying to find a bank. I found one a block or so away. I got the money I needed and raced back to the courthouse. I slipped quickly back in to line and eventually walked to an open window next to the first lady who wanted to have me arrested. I paid my fine and walked out decent citizen with no criminal record. I never saw the cop who was coming to arrest me. Now that I think about it, the lady was probably messing with me. Lord knows that’s what I would do if I had her job.
So anyway, that’s my story of how I almost got arrested..in Lewisville.
Fuckin’ live and shop someplace else already!! Jeez!